the girl within

November has always been a festive month for me. But this November is different from all the previous November. It has taken a new color, a mixed one.

I couldn’t figure out what color it has turn out to, but I undergo a lot of things. First there was my little brother wedding, which takes me by storm in the first place. I came to the understanding and make peace with my heart eventually. But yes, the wedding has then made me more emotional then ever before. Silly little question popping in my head like a soda bubble. Will I ever settle down? Will I ever find the one? My mind keeps telling me to have faith and hope. But my other mind kept on being skeptic and all pessimistic. I still hope that this emotional hurricane could just leave me be.

The second emotional turmoil is my father health condition. I have never been closed with my father; I’m more of my mother child than my father. That has given me a big stab in my heart, why am I not close to him? I have 28 years in my life and I never ever share my story with him, just talking and having a big laugh. Never…

The third is my work. I felt helpless. November and December is a big and crucial month, and I’m planning to run in that two month. But then again I felt like a cripple who can’t run, or if I could I’m not running fast enough, I’m afraid I couldn’t reach the finish line in time

To all three problems, I secretly wish for more time, heart and strength